Mar 29, 2007
Coping with lobbying reform
Jim Jenkins - News & Observer

Excuse us, please. We will be with you in just a moment, but we've been through a week's worth of hankies already, and it's only Thursday. The tears just will not stop. Our colleagues J. Andrew Curliss and Dan Kane are responsible, because of their report on how lobbyists have curtailed spending on the honorables in the General Assembly. 
 
Because of reforms that limited spending and required more detailed reporting of what money was spent on receptions and the like for the pols, the good ol' days are gone on Jones Street. 
 
Ah, what times they had. The shrimp ... big as battleships. The steaks ... thick and juicy and just deeeelicious with some ketchup. (Hey, we're talking about legislators here, not the Count of Monte Cristo.) Pinehurst No. 2 was so inviting, and the lobbyists would kick your Titleist out in the fairway for you. And the tickets. Carolina, State, the ACC tournament, the Carolina Hurricanes. 
 
A musical interlude, if you please, to the tune of "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" 
 
"Once the lobbyists wined us, 
 
dined us 
 
They took us nice places, just for fun 
 
Once they paid for everything 
 
Now it's done 
 
And we're on our very own dime." 
 
Now don't worry, friends. There are still a couple of loopholes out there, wherein there can be receptions and "educational" events and stuff. So it's not like y'all's folks down here representing you are gonna starve to death. It's just that they'll have to get by on some wheat crackers and cheese and those little quiches and maybe popcorn shrimp instead of those jumbo boys. 
 
And this is where the tears started, because once a person's used to certain, well, a-men-eh-tees, as Ernest T. Bass (Democrat of Mecklenburg County) used to say, it's hard to cut down on the old protein. And consider this example cited by Curliss and Kane: Sprint used to have a "beach party" for legislators with booze and seafood and a live beach band. This year, 'twas a reception with a piano player and a motivational speaker. 
 
The inhumanity! 
 
The trial lawyers? Deep pocket people, don't you know. A lawmaker didn't stand a chance of picking up a check at some steakery as long as a trial lawyer was around. (Truth is, legislators have always been known for having short arms when it came to reaching for tabs with pretty much everybody.) This year, the lawyers had a two-hour, drop-in social for all legislators at their Wade Avenue headquarters. 
 
Hey, hey...you wanna get some more tissues over here, please? 
 
And those who have had more lavish events have to report them publicly now, something neither they nor lawmakers particularly like. Those reporting rules probably have curtailed things a little bit, in addition to everything else. 
 
Yes, when we passed lobbying reform, did we really consider the ramifications on the average citizens? Sure, maybe big business types can't water and feed lawmakers as much to get 'em to stop nasty things like environmental regulations or limits on rates or other really evil, pro-average person stuff, but think about it. 
 
How hard have waiters and waitresses at the Big Beeferies been hurt without as many legislators bellying up with lobbyists? Lobbyists are pretty good tippers. Legislators? They figure 2 percent on a calculator. And what about caddies down Pinehurst way? And valet parkers? And caterers? And dry cleaners who could charge extra for stubborn cocktail sauce? 
 
Don't let anybody kid you. Clean government has economic impact. 
 
We are so worried at this point -- did we ask for some tissues here? -- about legislators who set out with only themselves as company in our fair city that we feel obliged to offer them a few tips to help them cope. 
 
First, ladies and gentlemen, that leather container in your wallet or purse is for carrying money and credit cards. You'll need both more now, so wipe off the cobwebs and prepare to dip into your $104-a-day expense money (called per diem) should you dine out. The slip of paper that the waitperson hands you is a check. A check reflects what you ordered and how much the restaurant charges for it. It is customary also to leave some cash for the person who brought your food to the table. 
 
Slow down? OK, we'll give you time. The cars with the writing on them are cabs, and you have to pay for those. And yes, it's not surprising that the people at the RBC Center held you back when you tried to walk into the lower arena for the Hurricanes' game. Mostly, you'll now be upstairs. And sure, Roy Williams and the Tar Heels do look smaller on television, but so it goes. 
 
We're going to the grocery store now to get more tissues. And maybe some shrimp.